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Training with anxiety

Just recently I've been struggling with anxiety attacks. It's not something I've really felt before. Last year I had a mild attack before having to give a personal statement to the police after an incident happened in April. I wrote about this in October in my blog.

Last weekend my chest started to feel tight and my head was a little fuzzy. I had just left teaching my women Jiu jitsu class and was on my way to teach my kickboxing kids at another gym. The feeling subsided and I didn't think of it until after my first class, then my head became fuzzy, the tightness in my chest was so intense. It felt like something was wrong at home and I needed to leave immediately.

I cried on the way home, and started to talk myself around to the fact that I was having the most intense anxiety attack my body had ever experienced. Nothing was wrong, my fridge had not caught on fire and my home was not alight with my dog inside.

I put my key in the door and called to my dog. She greeted me with her happy face, stiffened body and shaky bum dance that she always does. She was fine, my home was fine, everything was fine. So I made a cup of tea, did some breathing exercises and cuddled my dog. We went out shortly after for a walk in the park to help clear my head completely. It was working.

I took Blossom in to town to get her a treat from the pet shop and as I turned in, I saw my ex, the narcissist. As I drove past him, he turned to look at me directly in the eye as I did him. What was he doing there? How did he get there? I have my guesses.

This is where I live and have every right to be here and not scared. I did what I needed to do and made sure I walked around in case of seeing him again, to hold my head high and face my fear of him. I live here, not him.

The anxiety I felt past, but made me aware that my body is truly sensitive to future situations.

Six days past and another dose of anxiety hits me. I was meant to be meeting a friend for lunch, but felt sick and fuzzy headed. I knew the anxiety was getting stronger and something was going to happen again. I cancelled lunch, but trained with a lady I coach. We had such a great hour of training and rolling. She was having a particularly bad day too, and I knew that she needed the training as much as I did. The anxiety disappeared.

We left the gym, and slowly the anxiety began to creep back. My head became fuzzy and the sickness returned. Maybe I was tired? Maybe I was exhausted? Maybe the anxiety from the morning had wiped me out? I had been expecting something to happen all day, an event that was to shock me, but it didn't happen at all.

That evening, a friend of mine helped me find out what was going on and causing the anxiety. An important legal issue is pending at the moment, and I haven't bee getting as many updates as I'd hoped. I'm anxious of the outcome, even though I know that it will be in my favour.

My friend sent me some videos to watch about the power pose and how we stand and show our confidence to the outside. Wonder Woman had this power pose. After watching the video's, I instantly felt better. My legs were uncrossed and my whole demeanour had changed.

In jiu jitsu our posture is a sign of being in control when it's strong and solid. When we are being pulled down inside someone's guard, our posture is broken and we are so vunerable to attacks. How do we get out of a vunerable position? We change our posture. In life, how do we get out of a negative state of mind? We change our posture in to the power posse, or a posture that displays confidence and positivity.

Since watching the video's; Amy Cuddy: Power poses and David Snyder - Hypnothoughts Live 2015! Las Vegas, I haven't had a since anxiety attack or felt powerless.

So, if in doubt, posture.

#anxiety #trainingwithanxiety #BJJ #WomensBJJ

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